Chronicles of Jasmine 6

‘…We did it in the garden. Oh boy… he is big and good in the sack’

Continued from last week…
“Are you going to hide in here like a hermit or are you coming out? There is this delicious looking man out there and we just had appetizers. We are thinking of the main course.” ‘Jaz, what on earth are you thinking about, I said’ “Jude came with his girlfriend but when Daniel introduced me to them, she was rude and snubbed me… Imagine Tobs!”

“You know any girl that sees you, will not want you around their man. You are sexy, beautiful and intelligent and you know it. That is a deadly combination because I have seen you use that weapon times without number. So, don’t blame the poor girl for taking an instant dislike to your person”, I said.

“See pot wey dey call kettle black, well that was a mistake on her part. I have decided to show her that I can have her man whenever and wherever I choose and please”, she said.

“Jaz, what have you done again?” My problem temporarily forgotten. ‘I asked Jude to dance with me and unfortunately for his bitchy girlfriend, the music changed to something romantic and soft. She stirred at us throughout and I made sure she saw what was happening. ‘That is probably why I didn’t notice what happened between you and your guy’, she said.

‘He’s not my guy’, I corrected her. ‘Anyway, so what happened with Jude?’ “As soon as the music changed, I held him close… used my hand to caress him and brushed my lips on his neck. In a minute, I felt his… ‘you know what’ hard against me.” I gave him the benefit of a ‘Jaz in the sexy mood’ dance and oh boy, was he ready.”

‘I maneuvered us to a corner of the room, still dancing and boldly touched his ‘Ikenna’. It was big, I think I might find out how big before the night is over.’ “How do you intend doing that?” I asked in amazement. ‘’Well, I took him back to his ‘wife’ and thanked her for allowing me dance with him even though she looked at me like vermin.

I pretended not to notice and asked Jude if he had credit on his phone ‘cause I needed to urgently send a text to my mum. He obliged. I took his phone to send a text to my phone. I thanked Jude for the dance and his ugly girlfriend for the chance.”

‘She is no match for me Tobs, and for snubbing me when I did nothing, I will teach her a lesson.’ “Jasmine!” I said. You will not kill me. Nowadays, when I go out with you, I look over my shoulders so some crazy, irate girlfriend or wife is not waiting somewhere to deal with you or me, because of my closeness to you.

Jasmine you need to slow down, I’m begging you. Jaz just scoffed at my words, shrugged her shoulders and moved towards the door. Are you coming? She asked me. Your lover boy is hovering around the door. He’s not my lover boy, I replied. How would I show my face, he’ll think am loose and that I probably do that with every guy I meet.

‘Yeah… and he’ll think the earth is square too. Tobs will you stop worrying and analyzing everything. Look, you can’t hide here all day. Can I ask you a question?’ “What?” I asked. ‘Do you find him attractive? Yes! That’s a good sign. Now come out, he’s waiting. I promise you it’s not as bad as you think.’

As I stepped out, David (I later found out that was his name) was hovering around the ladies room. ‘Finally’, he said. “I thought you were never going to come out. Look am sorry Tobs, I realize you must think I do that with every girl. I’m really… really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” David continued to apologize profusely.

Jaz who was still behind me, whispered in my ear. ‘It’s a party… loosen up.’ I mumbled, ‘its ok’. I was as much to blame as he was. After all he did not force me to kiss him back. He extended his hand and asked for a truce. Can we start all over?

My name is David and you are Tobs, I gathered that from when Daniel yelled your name to the entire room. ‘Yeah I know’, I said with a sigh but I am not desperate. “I don’t remember him saying anything like that,” David said. No he implied it. I don’t think so. Well I do. Are you always this argumentative?

It’s just semantics, don’t take it personal. I don’t see it bothering your friend, he said referring to Jaz who by the way was back to being the center of attention. So Tobs, who is he? I beg your pardon! I replied sharply. I mean who is the asshole who broke your heart?

I was mortified. Am I that obvious? Did I do or say something that gave me away. David seemed nice enough but I was scared of my feelings for him. I remembered vividly Temi and what I had been through because of him. I looked at Jaz. Good old Jaz having the fun of her life.

Why can’t I be more like that? Having fun, no worries. Jaz says I take life too seriously and she believes men should be ‘play things’ just as they take women. Jaz would often tell me men are ‘selfish bastards’; they want to eat their cake and have it.

I remembered how Temi played me with different girls. Always lying that they were just friends, meanwhile he was banging left and right. It’s a wonder he didn’t get AIDS. Can a woman really please a man? Because it seems to me that no matter what a girl does, they always philander. Is it in the nature of man to be unfaithful? Maybe Jaz is right. Why stress myself.

‘Hello! Hello! Is Tobs in there somewhere?’ I heard David saying as I was jolted back to the present. ‘Where have you been angel?’ he asked. Don’t call me that. I replied. Look I don’t know what impression you have of me but I want to set the record straight.

“I will not get in bed with you, maybe you had that impression because of the kiss, but I really am not ready for a relationship of any sort. I just want to be left alone, ok?” As I ranted and raved, David looked at me as if I had temporarily lost my mind. Well, may be a little.

I wasn’t going to allow him think I was a cheap lay. I guess I am just tired of men looking at me as if I’m a sex object and a piece of juicy morsel with nothing upstairs. It is so annoying. ‘Hey, hey, hey hold it there Tobs. Who said anything about getting in bed?’ David interjected.

“Do you think I go about sleeping with ladies I just met? Look I have apologized for the kiss, can we get past that please?” ‘Tobs, Tobs? Excuse me Tiger’, Jaz interrupted purring at David. ‘Can I steal her for a minute, she will be right back.’ Jaz, what is it that can’t wait?

We were in the middle of a very important discussion. Jaz just dragged me to the ladies again and as soon as the door was closed behind us, she shouted with glee… “Tobs we did it in the garden… oh boy… he is big and good in the sack. I think I’ll see him again. He sure knows how to handle a woman.”

I just stirred at Jaz in amazement. This girl has lost her mind I thought. I tried to process my thoughts but at this point I was blank. Totally speechless. Jaz… I think is getting out of control or what do you guys think?